Some days are hard to hear the Yes.

Last night as I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw a post on my Down syndrome moms support group. A mom, whose daughter is 3 almost 4, posted how she still wasn’t talking.

She didn’t express her concern over it though. What she expressed was sadness, loneliness and guilt.

Sadness over not having heard mama or I love you yet and possibly never hearing it at all.

Loneliness over the fact that everyone around her keeps saying “she’ll talk on her own time.” Knowing she may never.

And finally guilt. Guilt over how maybe she isn’t doing enough. Maybe she isn’t doing it right.

By the end of her post, I had tears streaming down my face because I resonated with her so much.

Being a mom is hard, but being a mom to a child with a disability is a whole different type of hard.

I always try and focus on the things she has accomplished and continues to accomplish but then, I see kids her age or younger doing things she has yet to even attempt to do.

And no matter how hard I try to not compare, there’s that little voice in the back of my head that says “What am I doing wrong? What more can I do?”

Then suddenly I’m taken over by guilt.

Not guilt that I wish I weren’t her mom. Or guilt that I wish she didn’t have Down syndrome. Being her mom is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. Sometimes I question what I did to deserve such a precious, wonderful little girl.

And her Down syndrome is what makes her who she is. I would never wish that away.

What I feel is guilt, that maybe I’m not good enough, that I’m not doing enough for her to succeed.

I take her to her therapies and make sure she sees all the doctors she needs to see. But at the end of the day I still ask myself those questions.

The mental battle we go through as mothers is daunting as is, but to add a disability to it, makes those questions louder for us to hear.

Especially someone who struggles with not feeling good enough as is.

Am I a good enough person? A Daughter? Spouse? Friend? Mother?

Am I enough for her?

I know the answer.

And I know the answer is yes, but some days make it harder to hear the yes then others.

#motherhood #downrightperfect #theluckyfew #motherdaughter #nothingdownaboutit