Love for A Child

Do you ever just look at your child and think, so strongly with all of your being, “I LOVE YOU”. It’s probably one of the strongest, realest emotions one will feel. The love for their child. It’s the most instant thing for almost every parent. I understand that it isn’t for some. But that love, once you do feel it. It’s the purest, most powerful thing in this universe. There’s a reason Harry didn’t die when Lily told him she loved him.

Only the real ones will understand that reference.

I look at my daughter sometimes with tears streaming down my face and a smile spread from ear to ear. I’m amazed, astonished, overly proud, that I created this tiny little human being. That she was once in my belly. And I held her in my arms through my own body. I can remember the day I went into labor and my delivery so vividly and almost down to every detail. I regret nothing from my pregnancy and my birth. I would have it done the same way over and over. I wouldn’t change Mirabella and who she is for the world. She makes me so proud to be her mom. Not just because she’s my daughter but because she knew I had the strength to do this. That’s why she chose me to be her mom. She just knew. And even though some days are hard. Cause, damn. Some days are HARD! Those days I just don't want to be a Mom. I just want to one second to not be. To not have a tiny human depend on you for legit, everything. Dude, they can't even wipe their own butts. On those days, the tiniest little inconvenience will completely set you off. To all the dads out there that think the hormone swings are over after baby is born. Let me tell you a little something....IT GETS WORSE! Especially if the mom is dealing with PPA, PPR or PPD. ( postpartum anxiety, rage and depression.) I will touch on that in a separate blog post.

But regardless of what you are struggling with. The love you have for your child is immensely forever, never ending. It's a silly thing really. You love these times and wish for them to end all in one. I love breastfeeding, the bond we share is so great. I love looking into her little eyes as she suckles and pats my chest. But to think of a time that I wasn't thinking about pumping or nursing her. Not having to watch what I eat or how much I drink. I can have a beer and not worry about having to feed her soon. But I know when that time comes and I nurse her for the last time. All I will do is wish for that time back. It's such a funny thing. Parenthood. Staring at the clock all day waiting for 7pm to come just so they can go to bed and you can...continue to sit on the couch. Then once they are asleep and look so sweet, you just want to snuggle with them and never let them go. It's such a bittersweet thing and i know I was made for it. All my life I wanted to be a mom. I was so content with that being my title. Mama, Mommy, Mom. I dealt with never feeling loved my whole life. But I know that this love is real. When she looks at you and smiles big. When she reaches her arms up to be held by you. When she settles the second she is in your arms because that's where she feels the safest. It's intense. It's real. 'And sometimes it feels like it's too much, and my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And I can;t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of...' being a mom. That quote from American Beauty is my absolute favorite. It can relate to so many moments and aspects of my life. The end of the quote is 'for every single moment of my stupid little life.' But I thought, 'being a mom', fit perfect.

The Love for a Child is definitely the most powerful thing in the entire universe. I never knew what it was to love and be loved until this little being was half pushed, half suctioned out of me and onto my chest. Graphic, I know but that's the truth. That feeling, for me, was so instant. She is my daughter, she is mine. Made part of me and from me. I CREATED HER! HOW INCREDIBLE IS THAT! It still amazes me to think about.

I'm sure I'm not alone in this feeling. Almost every parent says it. And if you don't have kids you always here, "Just wait till you have your own." I used to roll my eyes at that statement. But let me tell you. Just wait till you have your own. IT IS SO TRUE! You don't know until you have your own. So love your babies. If your thinking of having babies but you're scared. Its okay to be scared but don't let it stop you. It will be scary, but it will be the most rewarding thing. And I'm sure you here that one all the time too. Just trust in yourself and it will all work out in the end. Because a Love for a Child is infinite.